(To read this from Janie’s Point of View, click here.)
Janie is an expert at saying things without saying them. Read her stuff for one minute, and you’re all hot and bothered, but if you look back you see she never really said anything at all.
Jake is an expert at getting people to say things bluntly that they don’t really want to say.
I am amazed at both of them, and this was going to be interesting. I wondered how he’d go about it, and how she would respond in this battle of the wordsmiths. This was going to be the Superbowl of tactics, but Jake was a heavy favorite. He had his collar for a quarterback, and Janie’s exhibitionism was expected to throw the game. Book was ten to one, and I had box seats on the fifty.
And just about kick-off time, somebody yanked me out of the stadium.
Jake’s parents were at their regular home in Maryland. At least they were supposed to be. So I was flustered to see Mrs. Lacoste strolling down the hall toward me. I took my head from against the confessional and broke my butt to get sitting on the pew. I was straightening my skirt with my knees together to be as lady-like as possible when she walked through the doorway and came over to sit next to me.
I was busted, but she was always so very nice to me that I didn’t want her to be disappointed in me. “Hi Mrs. Lacoste. I um.. I saw Jake go inside, but I wasn’t sure if Janie had made it back from the bathroom yet. I was just checking.”
A little white lie, all things considered.
“Oh I’m so sorry about that, Kate. That’s my fault. Jake keeps saying he needs to install the little lights on the outside of that thing, but it would just break my heart to see it. That confessional is the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen, and I think the lights would just ruin all the months of work he put into it, so I won’t let him put them on.”
“That’s ok, Mrs. Lacoste. No blood, no foul.”
“I haven’t seen you around in a while, Kate. What brings you by? Surely more than just confession.”
I was thinking on my feet as fast as I could.
“I just brought my friend Janie by to meet Jake.”
“Oh, Jake told me you had a new girlfriend. He says she’s kept you rather busy. I can’t wait to meet her.”
I was doing my best.
“I’d like that too, Mrs. Lacoste. She’s really great.”
We chatted for a little while about how wonderful Janie was, and about being out of the Marine Corps. We talked about our trip to London, and our visit to The Globe, and about our new puppy that we named Shakespeare. He’s really a small pony at this point.
Mrs. Lacoste asked if we managed to make any Brits blush. “They’re so unflappable.” She talked about how she and Mr. Lacoste make a game of scoring points by making the locals uncomfortable whenever they go there.
It was a little hard to think of the Lacostes that way. They’re like the Cleaver family. Mr. Lacoste is usually around doing repairs to the house, or yardwork, or just reading in the study. He smokes a pipe, and is always friendly, but never overly talkative.
Mrs. Lacoste is always in the kitchen baking bread, or pies, or making chicken soup for someone who’s sick. She makes the world’s best chicken soup. Last year when I had the flu, she came and got me from the base, explained to the C.O. that he shouldn’t expect to see me for at least a week like she was the frickin’ base commander or something, and he just said “Yes Ma’am” and that was it.
I guess the chaplain’s Mom outranks a Lieutenant Colonel. They forgot to mention that on Parris Island.
She took me straight to the guest room, stripped me naked, tucked me in bed, and brought me chicken soup. She even insisted on feeding it to me all week. If I’d ever trade my Mom in for a different model, she was it.
About the sexiest thing I’d ever seen Mr. and Mrs. Lacoste do was once when Mr. Lacoste was reading the paper in the study, she walked around behind him and kissed him on the top of his head and told him it was time for bed.
That was it. He made a grunting sound, she went upstairs, and he put down his paper, put out his pipe, and followed her up the steps.
About as sexy as twin beds.
She must have been talking about their honeymoon years ago or something, because I was pretty sure they weren’t carrying on like that these days.
“Well, I have to go. I’d love to meet Janie, but I promised to stay with a friend for a couple nights. How’s the day after tomorrow?”
“We’ll be here, Mrs. Lacoste.”
She gave me the most angelic smile. “Just make sure she brands him on the other leg.”
I didn’t know what to say. All I could say was, “Excuse me?”
“Oh, don’t be coy, Kate. He must have learned his submissive ways from somewhere, don’t you think? He didn’t just think all that up on his own, you know. It’s convenient having a priest for a son, and even a priest needs a confessor, ‘Mistress Kathryn’.”
And then she just got up and walked out, swinging her ass at me and whistling.
Janie was going to like this priest after all.