Death By Soccer Mom Blog

Bloody Handprints
I’ve been doing some blog hopping. Y’know, follow a link on this blog, then a link on that blog, then a link on that blog, etc.

It tends to be more interesting than just hitting the random blog button.

Well let me just say that I must have gotten stuck in the black hole of mommy blogs this morning. Not that there’s anything wrong with mommy blogs, I actually enjoyed reading some of them. But here’s the thing.

If you’re going to write a mommy blog, please don’t call it “Devilish Girl’s Bad Thoughts” or “Dangerous Fantasies” or crap like that. I can’t even tell you how many blogs had racy, sexy, cool titles, with suggestive names as authors, that turn out to be all about the kids, and soccer practice, and whines about mothers-in-law, and cooking, and gardening.

There are just a whole shipload of them out there with titles that make your thong wet but the raciest thing on them goes something like “Oh, my best friend’s husband has a butt I think about pinching”.

Sorry, Mom. You’re not a bad girl. You might be the nastiest mommy in the carpool, but that makes you the French Vanilla in a freezer full of regular vanilla.

You want to be a bad girl? Be Rocky Road. Tell me how you’d like to ride him like a cowgirl.

Be Peanut Butter Cup. Tell me you made your college room mate scream in orgasm without shutting the door, and the whole hall was crammed in the doorway trying to watch.

Be Tutti Fruity. Tell me how you got your husband off under the table in a fancy restaurant.

Janie’s like Cherry Garcia, just enough of everything to be tempting, delicious, and teasing.


I’ll tell you everything in all it’s explicitly detailed splendor. I’m Death By Chocolate.


  1. I like chocolate … a lot.

    My blog has lots of racy stuff but far too often it is berried underneath all that normal day to day stuff.

  2. Wondering if I’m just plain vanilla…

  3. Enjoy the chocolate, Patrick. It’s what makes the world go round!

    My Dear Amanda,

    You are like Inside-Out-Oreo. All vanilla on the outside, but I know there’s chocolate on the inside, aching to get out.

    I think it’s starting to leak, and I’m gonna help it along by licking all that vanilla away.

    Kisses, Amanda.

  4. Kate,

    Never commented on your blog, but came by to add you to my blogroll–you leave me feeling, well, like I need to go wake up my wife.

  5. Hello, Kevin.

    I’ve been expecting you.

    I hope she thoroughly enjoyed being aroused.

    I also hope you’re sharing this with her. I’d like to know what she’s um… feeling.


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